Roasted Chicken and Veggies

Alright... I'm going to say it, but I'm only going to say it this one time. I tried to find a way around it tonight and was unsuccessful. So I apologise in advance if you get sick when I say it. Miracle Whip. Yes, that's right. Miracle Whip. The most foul, unnatural substance. I have always said that people who claim this is a replacement for mayonnaise are crack-smoking heathens. Unfortunately, I was right about that.

I got saddled with a bottle of Miracle Whip a few years ago. I really hate throwing food, and food-like approximations, away so I found one use for it: it's great, slathered on a chicken pre-roasting, to help crisp up the skin. I'd mixed it with avocado, and despite the flak I caught from everyone before the chicken came out of the oven, I'd been right that whatever unnatural thing Miracle Whip is would work for this specific job (and no other).

You have to understand, I hate mayonnaise. And Miracle Whip, the supposed substitute, is so foul as to make me want to eat mayonnaise out of the bottle (I almost threw up when I typed that). In keeping with this, I tried to use mayonnaise tonight. It was a little rocky (I also had no avocado, which may have had some impact). It appears mayo doesn't melt as well as I thought it did, so I ended up scraping off a bit of it so it could crisp the skin. Fortunately, the chicken was still delicious, despite this little hiccup. I'm not really sure if they sell bitty bottles of the other stuff, so I may just go sans-fat-and-sugar-additions in the future.

1 chicken, ~4 pounds
1 small orange, cut into quarters
ends from the celery below
handful fresh mint
handful fresh parsley
1 scallion, cut into thirds
2 sun-dried tomatoes
salt and pepper

1 large leek (or 2 littler ones), washed, trimmed and sliced into 1/4" half moons
1 cup baby carrots
1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes (ideally, when you buy them not soaked in oil, they should be supple and pliant and not scary to consider eating without cooking first)
1 small winter squash (in fairness, this should probably not be part of the recipe, since I was storing this squash as part of an experiment, much like the cilantro experiment), cut into 1/2" pieces
3 celery stalks, sliced into 3" chunks
1/4 cup Miracle Whip (and toss in an avocado; mash them together)
14 garlic cloves
salt and pepper
few ladlefuls of stock (optional)

Heat oven to 350F. Salt and pepper the cavity of the chicken. Fill it with the parsley, mint, orange, celery ends, tomatoes and scallion. Line a dutch oven or other cooking vessel with the veggies. Slather the miracle whip onto the chicken and salt and pepper the chicken as well. Nestle the chicken in the veggies and cover. Put it in the oven. Bake 45 minutes, then uncover. If it seems dry in there, add a bit of stock. Return to oven and roast another 45 minutes. Turn the heat up to 450 and continue cooking until the chicken is 180F. Serves 2 w/ leftovers for chicken salad, or serves 4.

I forgot to take pictures. I realised this as I was starting to shred breast because I like it in little bits.


  1. Anonymous11:45 AM

    But you can't really compare the winter squash experiment with the cilantro experiment. Winter squash is supposed to keep for a long time - that's why they call it "winter squash" even though it's harvested in the summer/fall. But fresh herbs are NOT supposed to keep for months!

  2. Well, ok. That's true. I've had that squash since the winter, I think. So I figured it was pretty close to done. The cilantro, though. How long did we manage to get it to go, anyway? I can't remember how many months it was.


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